Sassy Happiness

It's been a while. And on alot of days, I told myself, "I need to write on my blog. I need to update it."
Finally, here I am.

I forgot the freedom and love that comes along with talking to the World, even if only one person is listening on here (laughs).

Anyway, I used to feel guilty about thinking freely and enjoying my Happiness. Like there was a moral fiber that I had ripped up from my consciousness when I felt in such a way. But now I have learned that there is so much more to that feeling we call Happiness. That I can make what I want of this feeling, and that it has contagious energy.

 I call this phase of my Life I have entered my "Sassy Happiness" because it was my attitude that brought me here. My flared temper, coupled with my drastic need for change is what got me to this point of sanity. It is here that I realize that I too, go through the phases of the moon, the tides, and the cycles of Life. Change is the only thing that is constant...I can move like the free-flowing ocean or shine like the glowing moon. These elements of nature are feminine in element anyway.

My Life seemed so complicated, so distant from my dreams, so inebriated on broken promises and lies...but I still found my wings. I may have head to search a little harder for them, but they never forsaked me. My wings to Happiness were always intact, and can never fall off. For no matter where I am, how I am acting, how I am feeling, or reacting, I have found my *Sassy Happiness*

And that feels damn good.

Love and Light Always, BlackSoulRose

And I Am... (random ponders)

You know them days when you don't want nobody around you
Quiet sounds and shyt, no interruptions from your thoughts of being better
A day when the wind is whispering to you, urging you to talk to God
When you know you have your inner world to perfect...before your energy you project, to the outside world
Where a bed of black roses lay at your feet. And honeysuckles give you dream waves, and bees buzz you with honey. You feel sweet....
The high that comes from the warmth of another Soul reminisces in your mind, double time
I am a poet, I am an artist.
Express yourself

Can I live in these graces without any interference?
Can I taste maraschino cherries on scoops of orange sherbet and mix ginger in my tea?
Can I soak cucumbers in honey oil to enhance forgiveness and positivity?
I want to climb mountains, I want to sleep in trees
I want the Creation of Love to provide a sensation
I want to clear the clutter from my mind

I exhaled and it feels damn good

I. Am. Afiyana.

The Free Me...

I probably went on a whim with all of this. I probably fainted deadly at the thought of your sweet kiss. Let me not reminisce, for I don't know where those lips have been. How can I blame you? Because I arranged you. I put you in birth and staged you. And this is the thanks I get.

Black Woman, be strong and hold on to the Destiny of Royalty. Black Woman, lead not into temptation of pleasures of the flesh, then what's left? You think there is no connection to the sensations we have in our body and our brain? It's one in the same. Help me to be sane...be all of that and maintain.

Regardless of any situation I am put through, regardless of what we strive as women to do, the truth will prevail. Living in hell, on scales, with whales, in deep, blue oceans that know no end...where are my friends? Where are the Holy Ones that walk the earth with me. We all make mistakes but continuity is stupidity.How do you make a vow to make a change over and over and keep doing the same thing. Your energy is bringing my vibrations down,  I always end up frustrated when you come around. Is that a friend?

Fiending for what the streets have to offer...why bother? And tell you what I think. I'm too opinionated and that's why they think..I'm a bitter black soul with no one to hold. But little do they know, I could have whomever and whatever I want....but for what?

Why have the sky-divers of empty, unfulfilled leagcy suck my energy away? I could go on those rides you go on any day...bu they still don't deifne me. Sublime me...Suprise me. Yall don't hear me tho.

I could give a fuck about what the world hears. All I can do is stand fearless from the world's fears. All I can do is wipe my own tears. It's a lonely road and some tears are gonna fall. Oh, it's a lonely road and I won't get through it without God. It's a lonely road and what's sad...many of my people don't even know what we had. Glad to be sad, in the depression of red-clad. Armies...my army. Black Panthers...can you say it right?

But goodnight to the hatred, but hello to the sorrow. Maybe we were happier chained down, gave our freedom for the master to borrow. So hollow, so mean, so peaceful and serene. Were we? Was I? I was there mama, I heard your cries.

But let me not go back into the excuses of you and I. I am here now, left with my soul to fly. Soul to guide...I have to let go of the shame. Let go of the energy...the negativity they speak with my name. Let go of the hearsay, let go of the children. Ten years from now they'll all look up..."Damn, this what E&J was feeling."

And I'll leave 'em alone now, let them live and be free. I know of all of your motives, I know what it is to be me. Be me...that's all I can be. If you don't believe, just watch and see. Me...it's free.

Love Hangover (The OverDose)

I think I drank too much of it last night
Fantasies of your face accompanied by moonlight
Love Hangover...

Four leaf clovers, unicorns and ancient swords
I saw a glimpse of the energy that I thought was yours
Way more intense than before
I tried to say sober...

But your kiss has a way of giving me a high
A shot through my body, that gives me wings to fly
A twist on the fate that the Most High has put in place
Never has the thought of anyone made my heart race...
Like this

Who are you? Did you come from this planet?
Are we in a cosmic dream, or does my imagination run rampant?
Do I ask questions to these things that make no real sense
Eons to cool. Passion, power, cool mint...

And ever since, you walked your way into the footprints of my Soul
It was with you, I knew, that I was to grow old
But my head is heavy, I'm still confused with the Blues
Wondering about the outcome, but time with you is new

And through this love I grew...
Did I?

All I see is black now
Jedi

Heartstrings tugged at,
tongue tied, late nights
Surreal space flights
Just can't seem to get right

This may be the first of few...
but I wish to have no more, only this one here with you

Love Hangover

E.V.O.L.V.I.N.G. (Queen I Am...)

I feel peaceful, though I let peace go
No more Jesus walks and cathedrals
It’s hard to know you’re the one to navigate
Got quite an impact on my fate

Now I got a lot on my plate
But time moves slow, and then heartaches
Even longer to heal, even harder to deal
Even harder to sit and let my heart spill
Even harder to chill
I try to live like the wind
But still I have made my fair of impressions
On a canvas, known to no man’s space
They look and wonder why it seems my mind is in no man’s space
Because no man’s grace…
Can save me
I need no saving of…just a cup of water and Love

And hugs, oh how long it’s been
Since I felt the warmth of another, truly genuine
Would I even know the feeling if I felt it
From all the bullshit that I’ve dealt with
And not another bitter black woman to take the stage
The story of my life, can you write the page?
Or can you sit and gaze…like I sit and daze
Floating in purple haze, but still not feeling okay
I feel the chemicals they seduce me with
Weed supply anything other than organic
They planned it, but now that I know what to do…
But then I think, what do I know? This bullshit they call the truth

Yeah, unfortunately a member of the “troubled” youth
They laugh…say I got phrases old as Mother Goose
But I love the ones that love me back
They say “E&J I love you,” now how real is that?
How real is the fact….that right now they can’t see my graces?
But I’ll give ‘em three to five years, like sentences in prison spaces
And when they catch up, I’ll be onto a new flame
Burn, baby burn, my mind’s ashes are insane
And too tame…me, would be a hell of a task you see
Still I’m evolving….in a world of catastrophe


       **Afiyana Jones**

Acceptance...

But everytime I feel lost, I come out found.
I've searched, for the purpose, maybe into too many things.
But who am I without my dreams?

Today...it feels like a Renaissance. Thursday, Thursday. Wednesday was yesterday and information-filled...but still I was unthrilled.
I found myself wondering, maybe even wanting to be her. But realizing that with alot of muscle, comes alot of pain.

I know for a fact that I am strong, I know for a fact that my mind wanders and I have trenchant mental powers. I want to penetrate the Universe with my abilitiies.
I want to pierce the soul of others....a whole that allows the flow of light from the Most High to shine thru...guide thru.

Little do we know, we move so slow. Vibrations are so low.....I don't know.
I don't know what to do ...promise I don't know.

As found as I feel, I know I am lost. You know you are Lost because you found yourself...but you still know nothing.

The tree of Knowledge is infinite, so the more I grow, the more I have to grow. There's no level I can reach where I will be satisfied....please take me higher.

My desires, my rules...just tools of my imagination. I am not in control of this Destiny I call my own. It is ruled by those who earned the right to wear thrones. Afrikan Goddesses and Queens I see in my dreams. When I close my eyes I see those beautiful women surrounding me...pulling me back to sanity with their energy. Where would I be without my ground? Where would I be without my stability?

There are here, in me, healing me. They are all indwelling, but I must call on them to bring them to the forefront. For fronting, I get nothing. I guess I should speak how I feel.

I wonder if they will criticize me, for being too real.

This is why I chill..have not alot of interest in the social of situations. Have not alot of interest in those in which I may have surrounded myself with in the past, but not lately.

A few have stayed along the bassline...been there for too much of a time to let them go. They have watched me grow...and so I......

Thank my sister-friend Kyana. I love her because she accepts me for who I am. I can be vulnerable around her, I can tell her my secrets, she will never judge me. No matter how long I try to stay away from her, God will put her back on my path. She tells me the Truth about myself, I tell her the Truth. That is true Love-Friendship.

So with all of this said, I conclude by saying a breath of pure air may flow through my being. If I could just see how liberating writing (or typing) my thoughts down may be. Like a willow tree....I am everlasting.

I am a Black Rose...an Eternal Rose...w/ thorns to spare. I am not Perfect...and I will never be there.

                                                               Acceptance

**Afiyana Jones (E&J)

...And So My Transformation Begins....When will Yours??

I have been in the Healing Spirit for the last few weeks. I can literally "feel" the weight of negativity and inner struggle leaving my being. Now no battle is ever won and evolving is something that goes on forever but I am making significant strides. Series of events have brought me to senses that I never knew existed within my body. I have solidified being totally in tune with my intuition and going along with what I feel is right. Outside influences, although they are sometimes very close associates, can fuck you up in the long run.

One of my first and most obvious breakthroughs was when I took a look back at my journal entries. I saw the amount of stress, anger and uncertainty I brought into situations that I wanted or needed to go well. I laughed because I wondered how I could expect things to go well for me when I was always being so pessimistic about it. I am the controller of my destiny, and with a little inspiration from the Divine Order...my life is still ALL in my hands.
-So with this energy, it was like closing a door from my past...for good. I have performed energy healings on others but as I lay in my bed, contemplating, the voices of the Most High came over me and I followed the instructions. I healed myself...seriously. Mentally, totally, drastically. I cleansed my mind and my womb from the toxic relationships I had (both romantic and otherwise). I cleared my room and living space of all the negativity and I breathed easy, for once.

You don't know how much baggage you need to clear yourself from until you start clearing it. Things that you THOUGHT you forgot about are still deep in the recesses of our brains and hearts and cause spiritual blockages. We are beings of light, the Divine Energy within us blessed from the Most High. This beautiful, Black skin I wear is nothing but a vessel, and cannot hide the turbulence I hide inside.

I'm not perfect, I am not completely healed....but as stated earlier, I made significant strides toward the promised land of milk & honey....all available here on Earth to me.

So I will end by saying that a transformation is a life-long process.I know that I am wise beyond my years and most people my age don't even want to hear about any spiritual enlightenment....for FEAR it may take away from them the guilty pleasures of life they love the most. Let me assure you, I do what I want, but know...you ALWAYS reap what you sow. A laugh now may be a cry later....
-When the walls of your own entrapment break down, you start to see others around you for what they are. You start to see the way others may be using you (for financial gain or anything else), you see the mistake you made cutting that one person who really gave a damn about you out of yout life. You start to see the intricacies of life....EXACTLY for what they are.

I have cut people off, and I have no plans of returning. I graduated last Sunday and after a walk across that stage, I took all of my sanity back with me.All of my Love, my hope, my graciousness, my passion...all of the things that fuel my fire of life...I took it back. Today marks the day where I only distribute my goods to those who are well deserving. Being spiritually conscience does not mean becoming a slave to the needs of others. There is a way to take care of your needs first without being selfish. Today is just one of those days.Today, and every day that follows, I will trust what Erin wants, what Afiyana needs.I have no time for the greedy hearts of those who pretend to be brothers and sisters.

Heal. Transform Your Life. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Tune into yourself and let the rest fall into place. God gave you your third eye to see.....see beyond the fallacy of reality.

I Love....but the most Love comes from those who return the Love back.

R.I.P. to all of the fallen ancestors who live in the sky, the mountains, the plains of the world. The trees, the dust, the air...everywhere. My transformation begins NOW....when will yours?

Creator's Love (Placed in my Heart for You Boy)

I think that I've been lied too. Or either I was never told...such a shame I had to find out myself. But who else could I depend on to provide such valuable energy and informative light?

Heaven....in a black man's eyes. Heaven...in between a black woman's thighs. Sweet tenderness, hard to tame, like the moment of sunrise.

I can almost smell the euphoria of lovers post-morning session. I need not to imagine or dream, I can feel every time.Breath fills my body, sexual energy fills my space and I become overwhelmed with the feeling of weakness, strength, endurance and pain. All of the buckets of blood and water, perspiration and sedation that goes into the liasons of love makers. Those, like I, that may transport the energy to and fro. Only aligned withthe Most High you know...

I often thought what I was doing was "making love"...as I've grown, I know now that I was "fuckin'"....plain and simple. No love was exchanged in the bed of the lustful enemy who just wanted to use my body as a warm hole of pleasure. No love comes from the high-induced state he put me in just to bring me to arousal, demonstrating his lack of intelligience reagrding the feminine aspects. No love was there in the backseat of the van, pounding and pouncing. No Love....

I may swim in a million men and a million more dollars...but I was looking for Love in all the wrong places. Different credentials, different swags and different faces....but still couldn't find "it." Looking for love in the wrong places. In between the spaces, along the side of graces...but still not there...Love won't be found there...in all the wrong places.

I wish I could rewind...but then no I don't. Because now my heart is open wide...and Hope floats. Without the ability to hate and be dragged so low, how could I have such a great capacity to Love? My heart shines brightly..."you see me now...I'm beamin.'"

No more screaming, tag-teaming...most of yall is still dreamin'. But my heart, my mind....it took time...but I'm beamin'.

And now HE is all that I see. Oh, how I have waited so desperately. But I had to see...for me...that was not the way to be. Love, like life, should be carefree.  Care not of the small things he may do or say...for his feelings from the inside may feel a different way. No more speculation, no more worry. This here, is a true love story.

HE is all that I see...our love making was seriously, Sacred Energy. I go back and channel in my mind, and all I see is pure energy defined. No harsh rules, no ulterior motives. I love you and you love me....

We know...we know not, what to do with the energy in which we have been shot.
HE....do you know who you are? I've written plenty of things about your shining in my stars. I am the moon under a bright light...you are my sunshine when I lose sight. Just like God told me before...to wait and let the energy sweep you away...I may wait for you for any numbers of any days *smile*

I pass on passion to you, and it adds to the steam already forming in your core. In your body....while your eyes screaming that you want more. And sometimes I feel I may put too much into the energy I know we are a part of....this energy...only for two souls that form Love.

Spoken Word lyricist...knew you could get with this. Watching me as I switch...I won't replace this.

I am in Love...with Love. I am in Love...with your Love. So much to explore...so much more for you to show me. I hope that our energy revolves and you behold me...Afiyana. Through the Amazon...through the rainforests of life...through the rivers of eternity....this side..that side. No matter where our souls travel, I shall meet and see you again. I shall be with you again. We shall live again. We shall combine to make further life and when the breath leaves these vessels we occupy now, we shall live through our further life on Earth. I am not hurt, I am healed...from Love. Love healed me, and will never hurt me. Love does not hurt. Pain does. Love does not kill...hate does. Love is in the eye of the beholder...no Love is anything that is everything. Without Love...there is....

Love. Afiyana. Peace. Love. Peace. Afiyana. Boy I love you, and I lead not my heart down an alley to lead me astray. I Love...and I will save this love here for you anyday.

Love secured safely in my heart....the Creator out it there, for you, from the Start.

Honey...Molasses

I came across another one today. And I blazed her my way...indirectly.
As I sit here and think about her smile, the way she made me smile. All of her hopes and aspirations reflected in the moonlight last night. I thought I had lost all hope in the comitose, but here she flys. She flew right into my space, our stars lined up to be blissful. Only the Most High can arrange such a meeting...a meeting of Souls.

God is mysterious...a mysterious beauty that surrounds us all. If I align myself with Sacred beings, never can I fall. Never can I fail. I think that the meaning of life is defined in small moments like these. All of the bullsh*t the world has to offer....slows, and come second to a awe-inspired moment from the Most High. All moments belong to that energy but our recognition of them gives us more power in our our Sacred space. My space must be sacred and defined, for I defined the energy around me yesterday. I saw the energy waves that surrounded my being, released from my core and saw how my soul calls out to people. Certain levels of vibrations....lead to elevation.

So today started blessed, and will continue to be. Life is better than the lives of millionaires...when lived stress-free. I believe...I really do, and know now that God-energy is so omnipresent, simple, yet complex that it strategically positions us in the place of fate...at the right time...for the right things.

I started this post last week...and will finish it later..which translates into now. I know that my thoughts are beyond a galaxy that reaches most, but we are all Gods. I can't even begin to demoralize my being by sitting here and listing the trillions of thngs that have happened to us as a society, drawing us more and more to worldly ways.

I saw her and I dreamed of a place where I could be saved in my grace...the grace of Love. Where women like her would meet me to have meetings of the Soul...to stir up positive vibrations in our households, in our relationships, in our families, in our lives. In our homes, in our communities, in our backyards, at our jobs. If there was a price put on the ease of mind and positivity...I would be so broke. So broke....
These are the only things in life I long for...

So my sweet Angel, I know you will be there. When I first saw you, I said to myself "That's an angel..." Are you? Are you sent to me to build and vibe on a new level...unlike any others? One that will allow us to be free in ourselves, grow wise in our years and fear not the whispers or acceptance of "modern-day" people. Quite a struggle, quite alot to ask from a Soul...but mine is enriched, and I wish to share the Love of the Most High with you.

"Spread Goodness" is what the elders say. Spread Love from the Most High and shower me with flower essences of sweet smells, sweet hearts and sweet Black Women. My dolls, the beauty beyond beauty. The Spirit of a Goddess is covered with the Mahogany, Black, Sweet, Curvaceous honey-dripping hips and skin that are in direct alignment with the Divine Creator. I am Proud, Bold and Lovely. I am Proud to be an Afrikan Woman. I am proud to be an Afrikan. No longer will I be isolated with my potential, afraid if others will accept me or succumb to my natural, royal beauty. They have no choice.

While the others worry about the lustful, roaming eyes of men, she and I will drive into wilderness darknesses and play with strawberry fields and flowers.

While the others pay to play, we will be in the freedom of free. Spending nothing but our energy tirelessly. Living on nothing known to humanity. A new entire world only we can see. The concept of reality is fading...it's time for the new galaxies to open up.

While the others plan get-aways with no metaphysical content...we will live in the Sun. We will march like non-thieves into the hearts of many, and warm the Souls of the Lost. We will stray away from negative energy....for it is at a lost. I love you my Love, I love You, I love YOU!

Women of the world, women of the Nile...all are my child. Women of the world, women of the Nile...I Am your child.

We are one...We are of the same...can we find that magnetic wave...that leaves none of us in thegrave. Life is Eternal...Life is everlasting. Life is the answer....you are the question.

We are the quest for sweetback Knowledge...we are the quest for subliminal energy.We...are WOMAN. Afrikan Goddess, Warrior Princess...from the hills of Milano. To the droves of seas...to the smell of sweet peaches in Savannah. I am...Afiyana. You are... My Rose. "Honey Molasses"

The Same Ray of Sunshine...Floodgates of Love

How Inspired the Most High has me today. I have had a tendency in the past to post with my thoughts all over the place so I now try to remember to focus in on a subject. I am still not sure exactly what this post will be about so I will just write, or type rather, and tell you about the things that come to my mind.

Firstly, is Inspiration (once again).
I recently took a Career Personality Assessment test and saw that most of my strenghts lie in inspiring others to do good work. Well, I actually feel honored by that because that is what I love to do most. I love to help people realize their full potential often when they have failed to realize it themselves.

Inspiration is such a valuable form of energy because it is the gift that keeps on giving. For instance, I feel inspired by a variety of things this morning. From the Erykah Badu c.d. I played on the way to work, to the conversations I had with certain people last night, all of these small inspirations in my life were inspired by the Most High. Therefore, their light shines on me and I am in return, shining it onto you. Do you see how this exchange goes? What makes it really beautiful though is that we are all experiencing the same ray of light, the same ray of sunshine from Ra-our Sun God.
(Pause and Refelct on that Beauty).

How often we take for granted the goodness and gracious of a lovely, sunny day. Imagine life if you could not look to the sky...
Just that thought is absent of life...absent of light. Without the sky there would be nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that we all come from the same light, the Same Ray of Sunshine. And through that Sunshine in our hearts, we Inspire ourselves and others around us. Inspiration is such a nice word to me right now, such an amazing theme. I see it as a transitionary phrase as well for me at this point. I am transitionaing with my power because I do not only use my Inspiration for myself, but to Inspire others. That's what begins to happen when you are overflowed and overjoyed with Love, Peace and Inspiration. You share it with others, you open up the sunshine in their hearts.
-The same way that people share their emotions and their problems when they are overflowed with negativity, wickedness, depression and self-doubt. Choose to be the one who provides people with solutions, not problems. Happiness, not scolding. Progression, not depression.
"Love. And Be Loved."   -This is also becoming a favorite quote/ theme of mine.

In Ms. Erykah Badu's latest album New Amerykah Part 2: Return of the Ankh, she has a song called "Love" where she breaks down some very true things about emotions. The song begins by explaining that all of our emotions have a vibratory frequency to them. That the only emotions that human beings experience in this plane are: Love and Fear. Any emotion that we have is either directly or indirectly related to these two emotions. She is so on point with that. To give you an example: If you go into your family reunion with the expectation that all of your family is going to embarass you with crude comments, loud talking, belching and everything possible to work your nerves, BELIEVE that this is exactly the type of experience you will encounter. Your mind allowed you to set the parameters of the situation with your ability to function around those that you are obviously emotionally connected to, your family. Your ability to love was overshadowed by your fear, or ability to hate and be the real person that you are.

If you take the same scenario and you go into it without the fear of being seen or perceived a "certain way," then this will be the ultimate bonding experience for you and your family. By not enclosing yourself with that fear of embarassment, rejection, agitated nerves etc., you have opened up the floodgates of love, allowing yourself to be totally loving and accepting of your family, as they will be towards you.

In Life, the very same rules apply. We all tend to wear masks of pride, anger, complaints and self-righteousness. These emotions are all normal but are being processed the wrong way.Why not be prideful about the fact that you can take control of your life and sto being a mental slave to the society around you. Or how about becoming angry about the way one of your brothers or sisters is representing themselves out in the street so you decide to inspire them to do better with themselves. There is a such thing of becoming so angry about something that you gently handle it. Or how about complaining about nothing that you have not exhausted every possibility of fixing yourself. This alone would cut down on alot of the confusion we experience each day in our lives. And self-righteousness...well that just needs to be displayed in a positive manner. There is a very thin line between confidence and cockiness. Know that although you may be more spiritually attuned, better dressed, a better reader or more accustomed to the "delicacies of life" then the next man, we all are still EQUAL. The Creator created all of us and therefore as humans we have the same capacity to do the same things mentally, physically and spiritually (actually, there may be some tweeks to that information here and there but that is a topic for another blog post :). If one man or woman can do it, then any man or woman can.

Are you functioning on a high vibratory frequency of Love? Or on the low, slow vibrational frequency of Fear?
Fear and Love are as different as night and day, but night and day are both, inevitable. Therefore it is natural to fear, natural to feel a certain way about things you don't understand. But it is also within nature that you find that shining light, that Golden Ray of Sunshine that is promised each morning when the sun rises. And when the sun sets, our emotions don't set with it, we all are still...the same frequency.

So ride in Love, open your soul to the overflowing blessings of the Most High that naturally weave their way into your life when the highest freuqency of all, Love, takes over your being.

Fear not. "For there is nothing to Fear but Fear itself." - Roosevelt

Love & Fear. So far apart but so near. I am, We are...the same Golden Ray of Sunshine. Allow all of our hearts to shine collectively, let the floodgates of Love free...and at Peace our souls shall be.

 Peace, Love and Energy always. Tua Neteru (My Inspiration through you)...E&J**

I've Accepted That Too...

I once was a simple Wild Child with no direction. Now I am a Nubian Child Goddess...what a transition.

I have accepted that I will not be understood by the spiritually and mentally meeks of men. Can I help it? No!
Do I plan to help it? Hell no.
-If the student asks, then the teacher shall help. Why should I spend all of my time and energy trying to wake up those who don't want to be shaken from their deep slumber?

Miami, I think about. I think about my entire college experience and sometimes get nauseated. At the simplicity, the superficiality, the clothes that make the person (not the other way around), the oversexing, the abusing of our bodies....I too fell victim to this so I relate so whole-heartedly. Why do we continue to manipulate and dilute our bodies like this? Those that put these images out don't love us..they love the MONEY that they give us...that we give right back to them! How many niggas (excuuuuse me) you know that can save 200 dollars opposed to buying a pair of Jordan's?
I too am a victim of the scam for I love material possessions...but not more than the moral fabric of my life..of my being!

I've Accepted that not only will he deny the feelings, he will cringe at them, seeing it as a sign if weakness. I have accepted that his friends' outlandish disrespect for Black Women is what fuels his Ego and will make him treat them...how many others may treat them. I have accepted that...but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I have accepted that it will take a truly, Special, touched by GOD-man to be my mate for life. The way we raise our children, what we eat, how we live, will coincide with the Creator and therefore we must be in tune with the Cosmos, and therefore each other, ultimately.

I have accepted that romantic love is not the only kind of Love to experience in this plane. Love of Life. Love of Trees. Love of Mental Stability. Love of the Children. Love. A four-letter word that holds so much power, and pain.

I have Accepted that I was born to make mistakes. That EVERY little single thing that happens in our life is for a REASON. A real Reason...and that reason often holds a bitter lesson. Divine Order is in control darling, become the captain of your ship with the God-energy inside you to guide you.

Inspiration comes from Inspiration. Inspired by those that don't even know you, know us. You inspire me. Inspire someone today. I encourage you! Tell that woman on the train that you like her scarf or that black man how proud you are to see him walking with his kids. Help that elderly lady get her groceries to the car or simply smile at a stranger and see how much this brightens YOUR day.
Love. Inspiration. Peace. Are all two way-streets. We are all from the same energy and therefore have the ability to HEAL each other. Play a vital role in healing someone else's afflicted wounds today. It will also help you to heal yours.
I've Accepted That I am a Nubian Child Goddess with the strength, emotions and stability to sink a ship...or keep it afloat.

I've Accepted That my Love is inspired by the Creator's and by you. I choose to Inspire and Uplift. With all the Love the Creator has given me...why keep it to myself??

Love. Peace. HairGrease. HotCombs and BBQ Plates. They all make the sum of us...and I am looking for much Love to come in the Summer months.

Inspiration= Creation. Recreate yourself!

Follow me down this Lovely Path...

Umm Excuse Me...Have You Seen My FREEDOM?!?!?

I wonder who I could ask this question to. Our minds are so locked down right now, screaming to be free.
Where do you even begin to look? How can I find it? Did I ever have it? Will it cost me?

Freedom. What's the cost?
Honestly speaking, this post came to me while drifting to sleep last night. I always ask myself a series of questions before I officially begin to dream but while searching for answers about the Revolution, Black Supremacy, White Supremacy and the like, I came up with nothing. But however I also did find that all whites are not racist and all blacks aren't Revolutionaries.


But then I let my mind wander a bit without my conscience navigating and it hit me: When will I be free? I want to ask somebody on the street today "Umm...excuse me. But have you seen my Freedom?"

So many of us ask this question: Mostly symbolically or subconsciously. Where can we find freedom as a People, as a Nation?...a Nation of Slaves, both mental and physical. Let me not go into the cliche' aspects of the Universe but ponder on my thought of: Freedom.

Webster's Dictionary defines Freedom as: The quality or state of being free: as a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action  B: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence c : the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous

I highlighted/ bolded some words in that definition because they are, to me, the most important. All of these things which this definition characterizes as Freedom: Liberation (from SLAVERY/ Restraint), POWER (from another) are all things that cannot be given to anyone. They cannot be bought (although some believe that money = power) or Sold (even though our Ancestors were).

So I may walk outdoors, go to a church home, meet with the New Black Panther Party, sing Jill Scott and Lauryn Hill at the top of my lungs, only tune in to VH1 Soul, eat green beans with no meat and go to every Rally/ March for racial inequality...but still, am I Free?

I can become rich and famous, want for nothing in this world and live on Islands unknown to humanity, but still, am I Free?

"See, I been-a-trying to find my Freedom, See. We been-a-pushin' and goin' a long-a-ways see...want my Freedom see...want myyyy Freedom see!".............Do you hear your Ancestors singing?.....

I would be lying if I said I knew all the answers, or even all the questions. But I do wanna know: Have you seen my Freedom?

Is my Freedom on a t.v. screen or in a magazine. Is my Freedom in that paper that glows green, and makes even the most Righteous man scheme?

My Freedom, My Free.

Will you ever find me?

But I found my Free, under a tree, within the earth...sat there, that book and me. Freedom is learning, Freedom is knowledge, Freedom is not half the shit they teach you in college! (Shoutouts to HU...Ha!)

If you notice one thing I didn't list as what can make me free is consciously freeing my mind.
        
  "To free my mind, takes time, but when mastered, is sublime."

It would only make sense that the only way I can answer this question the same way I received it. If you recall, this question came to me while I was letting my mind float. Therefore, it only makes sense to me that the ANSWER would come to me the same way.

Freedom is Mental, therefore Elemental and Instrumental...to Change.

Change. Some people hear that word and become afraid but Change is Natural my dear, Change is all around you.

I have the answer to my question, and although I may not always apply this Knowledge, simply knowing is the best start.

  Free your MIND...and everything else shall follow behind.


(Since Brother Malcolm visited me last night and probably is most of the Inspiration for this post as well, may I share with you some of his thoughts?)

"Nobody can give you Freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it." 

"You can't seperate peace and Freedom because no one can be at Peace unless he has his freedom."
- Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

And with that said, Peace to all. Peace be with you. Uhuru, Knowledge and Greetings from the Most High...Neteru!

             Free your MIND......and leave all the rest behind.....

                                                       E&J

Life, like Love...is not made to be lived alone....(an Afiyana post)

The rain came...and soon left.

Ahhh, today how good it feels to breathe a new breahth of air. I feel refreshed. Blessed. No stress (well...)

Anyway, although I can come off very strong, I too, am weak. It takes a real woman to say that, to admit it to herself and others. I am the first to help, the first to pray for you, the first to send my Positive energy out to you...but believe me, I need your help too.
Life is not made to be lived alone...the creatures, the trees, the nature, the forest; all of these beings around us...sprouted from the same Creative Force energy. Life is not made to be lived alone.
And not only in the context of soulmates and lovers, though LOVE is one of my favorite topics, there are plenty others. Love, Identity, Nature, Life, Cure/ Healing, even March Madness!
But I remain as will, that Life, is not made to be lived alone.

I too go through battles in my heart and my being. Sometimes caught up in what someone else wants me to be, or modeling a picutre of myself that I know is astray from my heart...but aren't we all guilty? I just wish we could all be more real with each other. My Guardian angel told me this past Friday that everyone will not see your emotions/ passion as a weakness. This is so true, in that, we get so hell-bent on protecting our pride that often times, we forget how to Love. We forget how to be on with Nature, with each other, with our sister, with our brother.
-I vowed a long time ago to stop calling Black women bitches and to respect my Black Kings in this world...recognizing the pain in myself allowed me to open my heart to the Unity between us as a people. What you should never do is allow someone else to stop YOU from being YOU. For instance, I sometimes smile and acknowledge my brothers and sisters that I see on the street and they ignore me. But instead of becoming discouraged, I recognize that many of us cannot break away from the product our old "masters" created for us and therfore, remain stuck. So I still acknowledge them, smile, and pray that I can impact them to speak to another one of their brothers or sisters they see on a later date.

-For real though, this post was inspired by a slight trauma I experienced. But I know for sure that instantly, the God within you can cure all the ill wounds of society. While last summer I spent alot of time in isolation, I see that this summer is a time for more growth. Last summer I had to grow spiritually strong by myself, finding my own path. I have continued down this road for a while but I know now that this summer is bigger than me. This is the summer to spread my love to the masses, to enjoy the nature in springtime and to rejoice with love all of those that I come into contact with.
What good is the knowledge and Love of the Most High if I only use it to my advantage? Love continuously flows through when you open your heart to others.

-Life, is not made to be lived alone.
And as I sit on my throne, I promise to make all of those who are involved in my life, more spiritually attuned by conversations and transactions with me. Most of this comes to me in my dreams, for I am a fairy Goddess, with nature's secrets of the Love-filled atmospheric Universe.

Can you float with me? Will you? For my life, like yours, was not made to be lived alone.

Join me brothers and sisters, on my throne. In this life (and the next one), you shall never....be alone.

Afiyana

My Alter Ego(s) Revelation... :)

Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Evening. Whenever this post finds you is fine with me. I am a quiet "E", and then an apostrophe. Nevertheless, I have been on some serious self-discovery since May of last year and here I am in 2010 with a serious revelation people.

I just found out that I have SEVERAL alter egos.....Not one, or even two, but follow, for me to name a few!

Erin Jenkins (This is the name I was given at birth. But here, in Amerikkka, it's my Slave Name. Even though the name Jenkins, over the years, has come to be assocaited with Black Families, this is not my original Afrikan name. But, it is the one I us professionally, vocationally and for contracts. This is the very surface part of me. Erin is just an identifier, like a Social Security number. It says nothing about the depths of who I am.)

E&J

E&J (This is my Radio Personality and Name. E&J is a nickname that I received in college from a very special friend of mine and the people who are most comfortable around me usually call me this name. It has nothing to do with the drink LOL...it is simply my coined name for my unique personality, perspectives and humor that I bring to any situation. She is a little poetic, but more floetic, if you catch my drift. E&J is more of a stage name in that sense; the way I appear to the world as a journalist, activist, writer and sometimes, comedian. Cool, calm, collective and a tad bit of a handful. If you know me, for real, then you probably identify me as Ms. E&J)

Queen Afiyana

 Queen Afiyana (Ahhh, now we are getting deeper. This name was literally, brought to me by the Heavens. I received this name from the Spiritual realm for it is my Spirit Name. When I am in the presence of other spirits, this is probably what I am identified as. Afiyana is a pleasure of sorts. She is wild, very wild; with rebellious hair and a mean switch to match. She is a Fire if you light that match, a Desire. Her power symbol and animal is her Black Panther "Tao." She travels with him through the nighttime Amazon, carrying a stick for protection and wears animal wraps on her black skin. She is a Queen. An independent, fierce, heroic, healing, teacher to all humanity. Her sweet lips whisper life into the words: Justice, Harmony, Love, Religion (non-traditional) and Spirituality. She is Spirituality; for she is the epitome of the Black Woman's essence. All of the traits, light and dark, and then some. Her bronze frame is sure to tame any of the suitors she pursues. Back arched like a sleek cat...she is Queen Afiyana. And the

nighttime forest is her best friend.) 

Renelle Revolutionare'

Renelle Revolutionare' (You can call her all of the egos balled into one. Renelle is the Revolutionary spirit that awakened my senses and traced me back to my roots, our history. She was one of the first alter Egos ever created in my psyche, on a spiritual level though. I remember her clearly, but she only emerges on some days. As a political activist, there's Renelle Revolutionare'. As a poem writer about Black Struggle {in Amerikkka or elsewhere}, there she is again. As a guest speaker at open mics and panels for discussion about Black Progress {and the sorts}, there she is. Renelle Revolutionare' is the Black Panther in the figurative form of the word. The spirit of our {militant} black Ancestors lives in her deeply and she firmly believes in Malcolm X when he whispers to her "By Any Means Neccessary." She is free. She is Freedom. Renelle Revolutionare' is the face to be worn, at times. But she emerges as the realest form of real if you have ever seen it. Soul Sistah- with a Black Fist raised. The revolutionary spirit is deep in the recesess of her DNA, and she despises ignorance on any level. Don't piss Renelle Revolutionare' off though, that's all I'ma say, today and anyday. :)

With that said, where is your journey of self-discovery headed to? I ask you because I know mine has just begun. Even with these few alter egos, I know all of them will evolve as I do. Not everyone has alter egos, or even seeks to find them. But I have found mine, and oh waht a day it is to rejoice. To the Most High, my feminine and masculine energies are to join and be proud. Today I fully step into my crown. -Queen Afiyana

Time and Space....Controller of Your Destiny..??

"Today, nobody cares, about tomorrow, but they will." -Lupe Fiasco "I'm Beamin"     

Good morning, afternoon or evening, whichever time you are reading this. Today is blessed because it is today, and that's all. It's just a mere blessing that I see another day, why fret about today's possibilities? One of my priorities at this time in life is trying to find the balance between making things happen, and going with the flow of the Natural Divine Order of things. While I know there are things I can will into happening through daily affirmations, chants, rituals and meditations, there is also an order in the cosmos that is a force to be reckoned with. I rather not try and disturb the natural flow of things. While I think some things we want, or think we need (like long-term goals) rely strictly on a higher source for its material manifestation, things we want now, like short-term things, we can "will" into happening. You are a product of the Universe and therefore the energy you put out or think about or dream about is all in the cosmos, in the form of energy. When and only when you truly understand this, is when you can begin to ride and rock on a spiritual plane.

But today is not the day to point fingers or focus on the many differences we have, why not focus on our biggest similiarity, that we are all products of the Universe, well, most of us.
Anyway, I thank the Most High for the Inspiration these energies give me everyday. For giving me a fresh breath of air to breathe, just for this moment in time right now, we are all blessed. Nevertheless, I have several things that I feel but today I think I will focus on the cosmos, law of attraction and the attainment of the good you want in your life. This is strictly my knowledge, no cited sources, just a drop from jewels I have picked up here and there.

I attract into my life all that is good in the Universe....but be careful what you ask for. I asked for this one night and booooy, my ancestors were all over me :). Not that it bothered me, but it was a bit of intense energy right when I was trying to fall asleep. They watched over me though, my guardian angels even spoke to me last night, threw a spiritual flower my way and said "This is for you." I smiled, physically and with my heart because I know I love her, and she loves me even more. The beauty about the wisdom and comfort of the cosmos is that our Gods and Goddesses love us even when we are too caught up in the world to love ourselves. There is a spiritual plane, other dimensions, and I have been to them through astral projections and simulation in my brain....but nevertheless....

It may sound a bit spooky to some, as it still spooks me out sometimes when I'm alone but the Law of Attraction is true in saying that you only attract the energy that you put out. With that said, of course I feel fearful and anxious about what spirits may be around me when I am angry, jealous, envious or upset for no reason. Those negative spirits are going to attach themselves to whatever type of energy I'm putting out. However, when I am blessed, loving, patient, kind, I feel secure with the spirits around me because I know they are smiling, giving me a taste of the Beautiful Bliss that comes with the paradise of life. I am fully aware that true paradise cannot be brought on this plane but until my freedom from time and space through death occurs, I have to make due with what I have. And what you have...

And what we have is the Energy of the Most High, yes, the man or woman you call "God," that energy is all within you. This has nothing to do with religion though, let's get that straight from the beginning. I'm talking spiritual awareness, man, woman and child- the three basics of life. Because like I said, this is a reflection of our similiarities, not our differences. So, know that with that energy you can chose to uplift, inspire, love and respect yourself and others. Or you can continue to make excuses for your behavior (like I still do some days) and say that God forgives us all in the end. This is true, but believe that you will experience a Karmic debt and pay for what you do in other lives that will follow. Reincarnation is real, as energy is only recycled over and over because the first law of energy is that it is never created nor destroyed, only transferred. So transfer that negative energy out of your life right now, release it from your mind and send it to the cosmos for your spiritual guardians to neutralize-breathe in and out 25 times, and see what a difference this small-scale meditation can do.

Yeah, right now, go ahead and do it....breathe in, breathe out..25 good ones!

Wow! What a wonder the breath of God can do...that breath you are breathing right now! Attract into your life all that is good, but serously, be careful what you ask for- like I said. Through positive affirmations I know for a fact that you can make things happen...but don't forget about the Divine Order, the stars have to line up just right for your attainment to reach your desired effect. If not, it may fall through and not go like you may want or need it to.Everything in the Universe is connected and therefore has to correlate to deliver your specific desires when you ask for them. For example: let's say you ask for that certain someone that you have been eyeing to some into your life as more than just a friend. You attract that energy in your life but you force the situation into happening, you grow tired and reckless from baggage from past relationships and three months into it, the relationship is over. What a lost huh? I know, shit happens! But there were some things you could have done after you attracted the energy by just letting the Creator run the course. You have no need to stress, the Universe takes care of the tension for you. Just speak to the Universe about what you want and let the magic in your life happen. Attract and Enjoy...that's the small quote lesson of the day.

       "Attract (pause and wait) and enjoy." -Thank the Cosmic Energy!!!!!!!

**Now if you would have waited, prayed and meditated on the situation after you asked for it, your spirit guides would have told you that you needed time to heal before you got into this relationship. Or that the other person really wasn't mentally ready for the strain you would put on each other. If you would have worked WITH the cosmos, you would have been able to rightfully fulfill your destiny. By waiting for your insecurities, discretions and past hurts to fly away with the wind, and this does not just take a day, or weeks, or months. Emotional baggage builds up from life and we express it in our everyday interactions. But anyway, if you would have gone through that intense healing, had an in-depth conversation with the other person about your needs and wants and then let the Divine energy flow like that, then you would have been in the Beautiful Bliss of love that may have lead to marriage with the young man or woman. This is a really small example but do you catch my drift?

We, as humans, have been so trained to get things that we want, when we want them. We are so inclined to instant gratification that we forget that time and distance really do not exist. You know how you can be inspired by a text message that someone sends from millions of miles away, or the way you "feel" the person that is about to call you. God does not wear a stopwatch, the spirit world lines up the Universe for things to happen when they should, you just have to attract the energy in your life (without doubt or fear) and without a time limit. Let the good come into your life, and don't count on things to happen exactly when YOU want them too, how wonderful are Beautiful suprises huh?

I wrote this with you in mind, and my Divine self was speaking through the ink, the page, the keyboard, your screen. I learned from this post too, sometimes it helps to just write things out so I can bring some order to all the scatter and chaos in my brain. I have to learn to wait, I am still struggling with letting go, and letting God. Divinity is Originity, the original energy can never be reformed, but we can form it to bring good in our lives, and I sweep the floors I walk on with essences of good graces. Are you living...or are you exisiting? Let the good in you life happen now, I mean today...and change tomorrow.

Real Reflections.

"Today, nobody cares, about tomorrow, but we will."

Frequency

Someone said "Life's a bitch, so I blog." It made me laugh, but since I don't feel my life is a bitch, I really can't relate. However, what I can relate to in that statement is that there are certain things that happen in life that motivate you to do a post. Today seems like one of those days...

While my mind is everywhere right now, I want to focus in this early afternoon, focus on what has been on my mind and having me singing all morning.

So I saw him this past weekend, yes him. I was more elated at the fact than the reality, the fact that I saw him. It seemed to be unspeakable energy between us, times I'm told that maybe one day he'll grow bold. But I feel what is sure to come, nevertheless....

I found it odd how he seemed to play me off sometimes, like he had forgotten about our time spent together. But then I remember that he didn't. My psychic energies tell me that he hides his feelings that are very true, not just the feelings but the consciousness, although I question whether he knows as much about our existence as I do.
My psychic energies also tell me that I am catching up to him. How unimaginable, that I am not the only one daydreaming about our future together. I thought he was the hindrance, then I thought I was. But I think I just don't know and I have to let the energy flow when we are on the same page, wavelength or the sort. I see him and I can't even look in his eyes. We both were more open that night, but I refrained then too. I have to be sure though, and now I am sure, but is he?

See this thing we call an emotional rollercoaster is very real and we and the ultimate creator are spinning the wheels. See my God created this beautiful world with much Love, Peace, Harmony and passion flowing into it. We have those abilities and free-flowing energy within us, however, reaching its zenith is both a powerful choice, and an elusive one. Are you sure this is what you want...are you sure?

My ancestors will continue to ask me this question as I sift through everyday's rememberances with my thoughts and prayers about him, about being with him. If you're reading right now baby boy, I'm talking to you. How immature I am to get upset with you for not knowing how I feel. Or feeling like the things you do are to purposely hurt me. If they are, it is no need for that and that tension should cease to exist. You think I don't feel you when you send your energy out, our thoughts intermingling. I wake up and feel as if I just saw you, or will see you.

Is it real?

Is this real because I only see it in my dreams. I saw it that night, you continue to try and hide it but I have no regard for how I feel inside. Not only will I try to be there, I am there, I have everything you need right here. Why don't you come and let our love blossom together, you and me forever. I may sound as if I live in fairy tales but that's what I see when I look at you, my escape. Why don't you be my escape. Why don't you be my roadmap to a better world, fetch me like a squirrel, and lead me astray....to my Destiny.

I feel that you were the man created for me, I know in my heart what is real and I know you sometimes deny the feeling. "He can't control it." Is that why you walk away, is that why you feel me stare and act like you then don't feel anything there? Is that why you taught me to be more elusive, to catch up with you? Is that why you have magnetised me? I see it times three, I feel it in the free, the free of you and me.

I get over one obstacle and there comes another, can't live with loving you like a brother, only like a lover. Like the soul of your mother, a love like no other. I read and weep about my strengths, there is no place more sacred on this earth than being with her, with me, my guardian, Spiritual ancestry you see. She guides me, she guides us. We are the embodiment of wisdom, with knowledge of this earth you walk upon. We are one, and we are here, to claim you without fear. Had I been all the way there, maybe I would have grabbed you and kissed you on the dance floor, no sense in hiding it. But I remain guarded, fiully knowing and feeling that after this trip (to outer space), we'll see what's real baby. They all want you, but I need you. I want your body, but need your mind. I finally had the urge to have more sex with you, but I know it was real because my body wouldn't register until my mind was healed. No anomosity towards the ones that want you to themselves. I have you to myself, as I need you. Do you need me? Make you need me, but you'll see...I can see sometimes when you look at me with those sensual eyes, more than lust in your desires. You long to be touched, to hold, to be held. I long to swell your mind and penis with thoughts of me, sheer ecstasy. Our love making is to be a sweet creation, a spiritual exchange of two heavenly bodies. You are the stars and I am your atmosphere. Do you feel me baby, I am sending this out to you. No matter what you do, you can't escape what's true. No matter what you do, you can't escape how I'm feeling about you. Confusion clouded my memory, my own attitude giving way to doubt. However, whenever, just like last time, now it's your time to figure me out. Do you know I want you, try not to care, try not to stare, while there's another there. And I saw you looking plenty of times, from across the room. And this time, it was my spirit's eyes, that were on you. Please don't think of the others, they can't do you like I do. Right now, at this time, time and forever, I am calling out to you. Baby, can you hear me.

Come with me to reach our frequency. It's somewhere heaven-sent. I am no longer ashamed or afraid to show my love, give me one hint and I will meet you above.

Please baby, if we haven't already let's complete it, and reach...our frequency......

                        **BlackSoulRose** -Afiyana

With You.....

In the realm of reality, we often forget to count our blessings. I am guilty of taking my mind for travels all day everyday and I am a dreamer. The key is to be a dreamer, but equally as much as a doer.

So, though there are things that want to throw me off balance, I learned yesterday that I truly, hold the cards to my Destiny. Although I already knew this, it soaked in more. I also learned that with Freedom comes responsibility. The responsibility to lead my life in a direction of positive enlightenment, free thinking and free love, or restricted access to the Creator's love through unforgiveness, fear, doubt, anxiety and cruelness.

Let us Marinate and soak in while thinking about how much emotional baggage we are carrying with us everyday. When are we going to dump that stuff out? Give our hearts the room it needs to breathe and let new love in...

I was scared, I was afraid of rejection from a young man that I thought did not find me worthy. I'm not afraid to put my feelings down, my vulnerabilities. How can I expect others to open up with me if I do not open myself up? Whoo, I just felt a sigh of relief from the pressures (real or imagined) that have been holding me back from my destiny. "You must fight for your rights," said Bob Marley. And yes, we sometimes must fight (physically, mentally or spiritually) for things that are ours. Anything worth having is usually fought for, you will only lose appreciation for it if it doesn't challenge you, make you wonder. Real Love cannot stray though, the way the Creator loves you and I is infinite...Love and Knowledge (are key) and are both infinite journeys.

So now that I have relieved some of my tension through expression to you, may I say it, that I am in love. Yes, and with a man. And yes, it is real this time. I know because he not only gives me that Jones in my entire being, but his energy literally sweeps me and takes me for a whirlwind. He is breathtaking, he is taken away by me. He is love, he is Peace, he is Happiness, he is my friend first, and I love him. Will you please look my way if you feel me, if you do I must tell you. I must tell you that I love you, I want you, I need you, and it would add purejoy to my life if you would be a part of it everyday. I never saw how beautiful you truly are, inside and out, but now I know, or am just beginning to know. I love you so much that I cry sometimes just thinking about it. Do you know that, would you? Love me, Love me, say that you Love me darling. Need me, need me, go on and need me. I won't be able to concentrate until I know I have fully infiltrated your mind, let me penetrate, your soul, mark you with my ecstasy, guide you with my love. Think of me when you sleep, think of me when you dream, think of me every night. There's not a love song that comes on that doesn't make me think of you. Truly I am blessed to have thought about it, and here I am writing about it, all that's left to do is live it....with you.

The Treasure of Life

When a breath of fresh air comes, the old wind tries to hold us back. I am trying to let go of past insecurities, but why does that part of my conscience keep calling me. The wavelength of security comes few and far in between. Most would say that I'm living a dream.
I could say today is a great day, a new night. I still feel that way though, the nighttime has become my friend now. The place where I gain peace and reconsciousness. So it doesn't matter who you are. Those like me come few and between...far. I am far away, past your mind's galaxy. But tonight I come here to write about my love, my love that is far out there, but in the clouds.

My love is...still building and still dwelling within the halls of possibility. I am on a new plane though, and my glow, noticed by others, will never be undermined. I came from behind, ready to shy away from insecurity, there it was, never to meet me. My brain may seem a little scattered at times like this but I am regaining persepective and energy. Wisdom has taught me that all things will be answered with time. That the symbols and energy that come to you are all in Divine Order. The Creator knows no time, or space, therefore does not dwell or make himself a slave to it. I take things slow, I learn a new lesson everyday, and I keep my heart close to me. There are many things I want to do, many projects I want to pursue, but lately I have only been thinking about you. Maybe that's why I have been so lazy. My daydreams and astral projections take me for travels so deep and beyond that I have no time for things of this world, as of today. I will spend this time dwelling, and living in the present because I will start working in less than two weeks. We'll see how much time I have for myself then. My boo is good though, I am good and together we will grow. I may seem discouraged by the amount of energy I put into it and what I am seeing but love is a waiting game. Not really, but a test of patience, strength and endurance. Love is a lesson: The hardest life lesson.

I look to other relationships and know that I have never truly loved before. I read today where someone said that there is no way you could truly be in love with someone if you have never been with them. Like a relationship is needed to validate and solidify true love. That is where close-minded people get things mixed up. I actually think love thrives better in a setting that knows no limitations or titles, just the Beautiful Bliss of the communication you make with your tongues, bodies, language (body and otherwise). The beautiful music of lovemaking is what I am awaiting, what I will awaken in him, in us. I can no longer deal with outside influences about it. No more talk about the situation. I am on a waiting plane, I am destined for success in my endeavors because I will them into happening. Am I not aware of my spiritual power. Do you know who you are? I was scarred, and scared, but no longer, no more. Today and forever, I claim my treausure. Reasurrance through whatever. I am assured, I am Queen Afiyana and I have come to explore: My Treasure of Life.

OneLove

LOVE BLACK

When Love is in the air...it feels like whispering in the wind.
I don't just speak of love between ancient lovers, but love from the Source.
When you show me love, through hugs, glances, comments and energy,
.
Love from my brothers and sisters overwhelms me, I feel so priveleged to feel what you have for me.
If I could repay you millions fold, I would, I will.

Love is a four-letter word that holds the dimensions to creation itself. The human mind cannot even begin to grow on the concept of love, not even an ounce of the cup the Creator has poured for you, for us.
I feel so much love in the air, and I have to share this with you. My last post dealt with some anxiety, so this is to neutralize and cool out the situation.

"Love...is the only reason. And my ultimate goal."

With LOVE, I feel I can accomplish the impossible, I feel I can grow into a Spiritual Goddess, with limitless wings. I feel that angels can sing to wake me in the morning, I feel that I can hear their whispers as I talk quietly to you in a corner.

The rivers that flow, the oceans that grow with time and eternity, are mirrors of the love most of us lack. The time is now, my fear and doubt shadow the meeks but I, I stand alone, and I fight this war...Soldier of Love.

Soldier for Love, I have known many allies and my troops grow stronger everyday. The birds, the lakes, the rivers, the oceans, the sky, the plants, the trees and the flowers. The Black. Black is LOVE.

I equate water to love because water is, a feminine conscienceness. A feminine aspect that creates love in all of us. Your first love is signified through the relationship with your mother. And then, all other relationships form from there. Many of us are missing that fundamental piece. So go back, and find that love in your mother if you have lost it. That is the source, that is the water, that is..the LOVE.

Black river, rain down on me. Shower me with the love of Creation, the love used for sedation, the love of temptation, no forbidden fruits. For nothing in this world is forbidden by you and I. Sweet ginger roots and lullaby pies. My Black Love. My Black Love.

I wait for you in the depths of the streams of alleys that fall from skies and windows from buildings. For you are with me, always with me. From ancient soil to industrialization...Love is the only fertilization.

So, may we plant these seeds together. Black Love, meant to last forever. Black Love, my brother, my sister. Black LOVE.

My Love, Your Love, Our Love....is Black Love.....LOVE BLACK.....and I will always love you back.

                                                    **BlackSoulRose**