But everytime I feel lost, I come out found.
I've searched, for the purpose, maybe into too many things.
But who am I without my dreams?
Today...it feels like a Renaissance. Thursday, Thursday. Wednesday was yesterday and information-filled...but still I was unthrilled.
I found myself wondering, maybe even wanting to be her. But realizing that with alot of muscle, comes alot of pain.
I know for a fact that I am strong, I know for a fact that my mind wanders and I have trenchant mental powers. I want to penetrate the Universe with my abilitiies.
I want to pierce the soul of others....a whole that allows the flow of light from the Most High to shine thru...guide thru.
Little do we know, we move so slow. Vibrations are so low.....I don't know.
I don't know what to do ...promise I don't know.
As found as I feel, I know I am lost. You know you are Lost because you found yourself...but you still know nothing.
The tree of Knowledge is infinite, so the more I grow, the more I have to grow. There's no level I can reach where I will be satisfied....please take me higher.
My desires, my rules...just tools of my imagination. I am not in control of this Destiny I call my own. It is ruled by those who earned the right to wear thrones. Afrikan Goddesses and Queens I see in my dreams. When I close my eyes I see those beautiful women surrounding me...pulling me back to sanity with their energy. Where would I be without my ground? Where would I be without my stability?
There are here, in me, healing me. They are all indwelling, but I must call on them to bring them to the forefront. For fronting, I get nothing. I guess I should speak how I feel.
I wonder if they will criticize me, for being too real.
This is why I chill..have not alot of interest in the social of situations. Have not alot of interest in those in which I may have surrounded myself with in the past, but not lately.
A few have stayed along the bassline...been there for too much of a time to let them go. They have watched me grow...and so I......
Thank my sister-friend Kyana. I love her because she accepts me for who I am. I can be vulnerable around her, I can tell her my secrets, she will never judge me. No matter how long I try to stay away from her, God will put her back on my path. She tells me the Truth about myself, I tell her the Truth. That is true Love-Friendship.
So with all of this said, I conclude by saying a breath of pure air may flow through my being. If I could just see how liberating writing (or typing) my thoughts down may be. Like a willow tree....I am everlasting.
I am a Black Rose...an Eternal Rose...w/ thorns to spare. I am not Perfect...and I will never be there.
**Afiyana Jones (E&J)