Take It In Stride...

Take it in stride...is what the elders tell me

To listen to what others may have to say but still, to make my own decisions. Not that I feel that the best interest of my soul may not be in the hearts of others. But only I know the true interest of my soul.
I’ve been bold for some time now.
Although I cry, I still have the strength of Great Kings and Queens
I know you shall never forsake me.
My thoughts feel scattered at times like this and I need to repent. To myself.
I need to relent. To myself.
I have to search for the answer. Inside of myself. That is the only place I will find true serenity. Through deep meditation and re-creation of my thoughts, of self.
Why do I feel unworthy? Why do I feel doubt, anger, fear?
These are emotions that I have been conditioned to accept as a part of a life in the depths of hell, America.
I know that this is not the way to be yet daily I am fighting to not be sucked in by the masses.
Only the strong go crazy, for an Outcast I am and always will be.
Never will the others understand, I don’t even understand all of my power yet
Even I don’t understand the ramifications or limitations I set for myself as a Spiritual being.
Isn’t my Soul Evolution calling.
And my insides are brawling, and I am waiting to be touched.
I am waiting, but left waiting because I am not sure exactly what I want.
I know I am not ready for the commitment of love ties. Or the headaches of true lies.
But isn’t love supposed to be a beautiful bliss?
I have to learn to cherish, in the moment.
If I could have no worries for tomorrow, or naysays for yesterdays, maybe I would be okay?

Maybe?

That is the question of life? I am stuck trying to find balance, and that is what I need.

If I could balance between life, love, outer beauty, inner soul evolution and peaceful resolution. Then maybe, just maybe….

Would I be alright?
Maybe……..